The Journey Of Pain And Faith

There are no words to describe the pain of losing a baby while in the mother’s womb.   As former President Ronald Reagan once said, a child who loses a parent is called an orphan, a couple who loses a partner is either a widow or widower, but for parents who lose a child, there is no word to describe them.


It was last year when I had a miscarriage, and my husband and I felt the most agonizing feeling.  It felt like the universe had fallen apart for my husband and more of guilt feeling for me.  What caused my miscarriage? It was my heavy smoking that took my baby’s life.

…study showed that 75 percent of girls with low self-esteem have engaged in “negative activities such as disordered eating, cutting, bullying, smoking, or drinking when feeling badly about themselves.” — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

I was a heavy smoker.  I was not aware at first that I was pregnant and I continued to smoke.   I started smoking in college.  Smoking helped me relieve my stress.  It helped me think clearly.   When I was smoking, it made me more creative.  I never thought that this habit that helped me get through my struggles in performing my duties and responsibilities well would take away the baby we have dreamt of for years.


How Did My Smoking Cause My Miscarriage?

A fetus is highly vulnerable to genetic damage brought by smoking in the first few days after conception.  Chromosomal abnormalities are the prevalent causes of miscarriage, which made exposure to cigarette smoke a possible cause of miscarriage.  Studies have also shown that smoking affects the uterus lining.  It also could be due to smoking that the placenta had a diminished ability to deliver oxygen and nutrients necessary for the fetus to develop and grow healthily.



How I Survived The Pain And Smoking Addiction

We have been married for eight years, and we have been longing to have a child of our own.  The miscarriage had been a dreadful phase in our married life.  But with the backing of my family and friends, I was able to survive it, and I have decided to quit smoking.  They often made themselves available to accompany me in my therapy sessions and look after me when I was struggling with the withdrawal symptoms.  They never failed to support me especially emotionally.

Smoking has taken a toll not only on my physicality but more mentally.   Yes, I was afraid of the withdrawal symptoms, the very expensive therapy sessions have become an additional burden to us.  But the hope that I will be able to stop smoking and be healthy again to try having another child is what we are holding on to.

Staying active is a great way to distract from cravings or old patterns, including participating in physical activities or spending time with others. These activities may, of course, lead to a host of other health and wellness benefits. — Marni Amsellem, PhD

Struggles and tremors and other withdrawal symptoms almost made me relapse.  Nausea, feeling fatigued, headaches, tremors, overeating, are just some of the things no smoker would want to experience that they often just get back to smoking again.  These are the pain and struggles that taught me to be strong in my faith.


Faith In God Can Deliver Us From The Most Painful Situation

Often when we are in our worst situation, we learn to pray, sometimes blaming God, and eventually call out for help.  It strengthens our faith and lifts us up making us stronger to be able to accept the situation and begin to have hope, my hope to be healthier to bear a baby in my womb.



What I experienced was something I do not want others to go through. I was encouraged to do something significant when I joined a support group for those smokers who were struggling to quit.  I used my painful experience to help others to be strong once they decide to stop, especially women.  It is never too late to break away from the bad habit that ruins both the body and mentality and be healthy again for those wanting to have a baby.

Smoking can be prevented or terminated if one can use adaptive and healthy ways to reach the same mental experiences. — Key Sun Ph.D.

Losing the baby you had wanted for is very heartbreaking, a pain that is indescribable.  But with faith, I became stronger to face it and survived kicking smoking out of my system.  It was not an easy journey, but with the love and support of the people around me, especially my husband, I was able to quit successfully and even had the courage to share my story with others to prove that they can do it, too.